When I went to Bryan Davis’s Teen Track, he had a short, poorly written, paragraph that we had to fix up. This is the original.
Tamara sat on her bed. She had never felt so lonely in all of her life. Remembering yesterday’s argument with Paul made her anger spike. She picked up a book and began reading. That made her feel better.
This is the rewrite I did. Since the conference, I’ve edited it a little. I don’t plan on doing anything with this story idea. It looks like a romantic comedy or something, and I am not funny or romantic.
Tamara flopped on her bed and sobbed. Why did Paul dump her? Any decent guy would have tried to soften the blow, but no. He’d just said it when they got together to chat on IRC without any forewarning. The words played over again in her head.
Paul: The long distance relationship isn’t going to work. It’s not like we’re ever going to see each other 4 real. 😦
Tamara: Can’t we just be friends? Please?
Paul: G2G Bye
Tamara punched her pillow. A feather flew from the pillow. If she punched it again, she’d have to buy a new one. I need to think about something else.
Her newest book, Alien Texter sat on the shelf. She grabbed it and began reading. The story was about aliens who infiltrated IRC networks and tried to learn about humans without the humans realizing that their “friends” were actually aliens. A long line of chat speak covered the page. The alien had picked the screen name Xerox, though is real name was Nak.
Jen: Where do u live?
Xerox: My parents don’t want me telling anyone
Jen: Can’t u tell me the time zone?
Xerox: No. Sorry
Nak scratched his left horn. Time zones were so difficult to remember. He’d have to master them to appear human, but with his own days being so much shorter than Earth days, it would be difficult.
Tamara laughed. Maybe Paul was an alien. That would explain why he dumped her. Wait a second. Paul had recommended the book, and it wasn’t a popular book. A chill shot down her neck. Was Paul really an alien?